A Community in Tears

"The death of a child is like a period  placed before the end of a sentence."  anonymous

With the homicide of two young children in Millet on February 1st, the small town of Millet has been left bewildered and in a deep state of mourning. Last Friday about 300 people gathered at the Millet Agriplex after sunset and slowly marched under the guidance of candle light to the former home of the two boys. In front of the house people had placed stuffed animals showing their sorrow for the loss of these children. People who have never meet the boys or their families cried openly in the street. The countenance displayed by many is heavy, and we struggle to understand what events or conditions influenced the death of children we will never have the opportunity to know.

What we do know has only been printed in the pages of the daily press or have been told to us on newscasts on television and radio. Most of what we have been told, is just not official, and has been in many cases inaccurate and speculative. The official stance by the RCMP as of February 8th is tight lipped, stating simply that two children died as a result of homicide, and the deaths occurred in Millet. No persons have been arrested or charged. No other details have been released. This position is understandable as the investigative process must be allowed to take its course. This however, does not quell the public curiosity or the need to have information to deal with a community in mourning.

As parents, the thought of losing your child is unthinkable. The pain and suffering the surviving parent endures is for many just unimaginable. I raised two daughters and both are grown and have moved on. One having married and given me a terrific son-in-law and two wonderful grandchildren. My eldest daughter moved out, bought a house and is running a successful practice in Edmonton. I have had the blessing of never experiencing the death of a child. Therefore, I can only imagine the grief being felt by the two boys families.

However, a candlelight vigil is an act of communal suffering, It is a very profound statement by friends, neighbours and strangers that clearly advises others that the death is something personally and tangibly felt. It is also the first stage of a community in mourning, where in order to deal with the loss we see a need to do something about it. And, because the community cannot take direct action to resolve the grief, anger follows, then remorse and finally acceptance. It is during these points that people can succumb to further speculation and rumour. A dangerous concoction of emotions and misdirected language that can deepen the pain of the surviving family. This is a condition I am all to familiar with, and which makes this weeks editorial the hardest comment I have ever put to paper.

So I need to put this out there. Our publication has been silent on this issue, and we have been quiet on this matter deliberately. These deaths which occurred only two block away from our office hit us hard. And, as a result there is nobody in our office that is immune to the grief. As a weekly publication, we did not want to come out with speculation, whether confirmed or otherwise. Because, if we made a mistake, the surviving family and community would suffer at the hands of a publication that was only looking for a headline.

Instead of being a source of discomfort to the family, our community can provide the comfort needed which often comes through others who have been in the same place. There is a comfort in knowing that others have been through what we face and have survived. Whether it comes from a touch of a hand, a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, the community can provide the grace to come along side in what ever capacity that is needed and reach out to provide comfort that they themselves have already received. This is precisely how a community deals with grief, and the vigil was just one example.

Someone once said that “the death of a child is like a period placed before the end of a sentence.” Like an unfulfilled thought, when a child dies, all the hopes and ambitions for that child to grow into adulthood dies with it. The thought of the fulfilled life is stopped short and left incomplete. The loss of these two children will be felt for years to come by all who are touched by the grief. As we grasp to understand what took place our hearts go out to the family of Jayden McConnell aged 10 months, and Connor McConnell aged 2.5 years. You will always be in our thoughts.