Die Englische Sprache

Can you relate? You are sitting in your father’s living room watching the evening news. All of a sudden, your father clenches his raised fist and yells, “That’s not how you say it!” The word is “Auspice’ not Ass…….ss!” Your father gets up and starts to write a letter to the TV station manager. Thirty minutes later he emerges with a smile saying… “I faxed it!”
This is not a fictional account. In the last six years my Pops has made a point of taking on the badge of ‘English Language Enforcer,’ identifying the media offenders on radio, TV and newsprint. A single word can send my Pops into a rant that causes the family to bow their heads in capitulation.

Like an episode of “All in the Family” my Pops and I get into a tense discussion on the English language. My position is that English is a living language with new words and expressions salting speech in an ever-evolving process, and his position is that a language is static. Words don’t change, only people pervert the spoken word. But my Pops position is one that has been instilled by his heritage, since he was raised in a two-language family. His mother and father’s native tongue was German and my father as well as his siblings all learned German in their youth.

So why is this an important fact?
German is the second largest language on the planet, closely followed by Russian. German has 185,000 words, with Russian holding onto to third place with 130,000 words. With that many words to its credit, a German game of “Kratzen” should be a cakewalk. The interesting part is that Germans do not add many words yearly to their language. So to a man of German heritage there may be only one way of expression, depending on what the topic is.

English is a beast that cannot be tamed!
English is a language that has 616,500 words with over 1,000 words added to it every year. Many of these words come to us from other languages, and more are added because of how they are used. “Ain’t, ain’t in the dictionary” is no longer a statement of fact. This example demonstrates how English is a living language, with new words and expressions salting speech in an ever-evolving process.

This simple fact should not leave one aghast, alarmed, amazed, appalled, astonished, bewildered, blown away, bowled over, confounded, dumbfounded, electrified, flabbergasted, flummoxed, overwhelmed, shocked, startled, stunned, stupefied, surprised, taken back, or thunderstruck at this capacious cornucopia we call the English language.

Canadians have a unique English experience. English Canada was founded on the Queen’s English, which is spoken by only 16% of all the English speakers in the world today. In contrast, are the ‘twisters’ of the language our American cousins to the south, who strongly influence Canada through Television, Radio and Newspapers. Over 66% of English speakers use American English in their written and spoken word.

By the end of the 21st century, the Queen’s English will have bit the dust, bought the farm, breathed its last breath, came to an end, cashed in its chips, deep-sixed, expired, gave up the ghost, kicked off, kicked the bucket, lay with the lilies, permanently changed its address, sprouted wings, took the dirt nap, went belly up, went to his final reward, punctuated its last period. In short, it may die.

The Americans have invaded the purity of the English that was taught in the classroom 50 years ago and it started long before that nation was formed. Because the English language is made up of 300 other spoken tongues, with the users of our language changing words yearly in contravention of the rules your grade three English teacher laid out.

One example of how our American cousins have changed the Queen’s English, is that at the end of World War II, according to Sir Winston Churchill, the Allied leaders nearly came to blows over the use of a single word during their negotiations, when some diplomats suggested that it was time to “table” an important motion. This small word, to the Canadians and British meant for the motion to be put on the table for discussion. But to the Americans it meant just the opposite. It means to put-off the motion to a later meeting. To anyone today who have served on a committee or a board, we now understand the term “to table” in the same way the Americans do. It took less than 50 years for us to toss out a snippet of the Queen’s English usage of a word.

Has English changed more since then?
So, when you are watching the news on TV and your father jumps from a daze and mumbles some incoherent insult at the News Anchor, remember that it will only get worse, devalue, degrade or rot away, … you get the picture.

Will You Die For Me?

You’ve seen it in motion pictures, the dramatic scene, arm stretched out as one lover asks the other, “Will you die for me?” Your hand is probing the popcorn and at that moment you hear a whimper to your right. You then notice that the gal who came to the theatre with you is sobbing, but nary a tear rolls down yours. It’s just a movie, no loss.

Have you ever walked up to a perfect stranger and looked them straight in the eye and say, “Will you die for me?” Or better yet, say to someone you don’t know, “I will die for you.” What you may get is a very strange look and depending on the situation, a visit from a white shirt. But then again, those are only words, and as the old maxim is “Actions are stronger than words.”
This whole preamble sounds absurd at best, but that is exactly what every citizen of Canada asks each soldier sent into a war zone. In the World Wars the threat was pretty clear. World War II saw a Nazi Germany threaten the entire world with policies that would have seen people without white skin, blonde hair and blue eyes either enslaved or killed at the hands of those following a murderous leader. That war saw over 14 million allied troops die to prevent the German, Italian and Japanese forces from fulfilling a final solution on our soil.

Those who lived and breathed in Canada between 1938 and 1945 not only asked the soldiers to die for them but also conscripted those same soldiers into service. Many hugged their loved ones for the last time, stepped on a train never to be seen alive again.

But before that soldier died for you and I, they endured a terrifying existence and by all definitions acted with resolve and fearless determination. The old saying that there are no atheists found in the trenches has special meaning to the solder being shot at, and knowing that the true enemy is encroaching on his position. Death is near, and as that same soldier jumps from his position of virtual safety, those same words are pumping through is heart, “I will die for you.”

The soldiers today fighting in Afghanistan know all to well that the call to duty is not a frivolous one. The threat from terrorism that ignited that war 8 years ago is a clear and present danger. No other time in history has the enemy walked on North American soil and orchestrated the deaths of our citizens. Canadians as well as Americans died at the handy work of those people whose goal is to thrust a final solution on our soil. The Canadian soldiers who have died fighting in Afghanistan knew all too well that the bullets flying overhead were from an enemy who is encroaching on his position. Our Canadian soldier jumps from his position of safety with that same mission statement of “I will die for you.”

The word sacrifice gets thrown about in many ways in our society today. Like many words, the true etymology of the word is lost on a generation where they consider the mundane with lofty expressions like awesome, fantabulous, and bodacious. Sacrifice has been lowered to mean the loss of ones time. It has been taken to a level where it is more of a word expressing numerical value instead of surrendering a life for the sake of others.

With every sacrificial death in battle, the family laid their son before the Alter of Society of which the ripple effect prevents the birth of grandsons and granddaughters whose contributions to society can never be measured. This is the true nature of sacrifice. November 11th is just one day we set aside for the remembrance of those lost in battle and those who served unselfishly to secure the leisure, free life we so much enjoy. The sacrifice was not only those who fought for freedom but is also the sacrifice of the soldier’s family, for those are the people who truly feel the cost of sacrifice.

Today with the world in constant conflict and Canada stepping from the gallery onto the stage, let us not just put one day aside to think of our soldiers present and past. It’s time we started to show our veterans and current serving military that we truly respect, care and love them. It is time that we should all understand that when a soldier steps onto the battlefield that soldier looks us all in the eyes and says, “I will die for you!”

Stupid is as Stupid Does

By the time you read this, the U.S. election will be over. It seems that over the past um-teen months we have been bombarded with media hype advising us who is more stupid than the other guy. Polls over the last couple of weeks put the Obama/Biden camp ahead of the McCain/Palin camp almost 2 to 1. It appears as though the USA no longer has the stomach for the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, or the human rights violations of the Bush administration and right wing politics in general. If everything went as the pundits predicted the world now has Obama as the President of the U.S of A. But then again, stranger things have happened.

Sarah Palin is just too folksy for her own good.
What probably hurt the McCain campaign was a telephone call from Canada. By now we have all heard about the prank telephone call made from Montreal radio station CKOI comedians, The Masked Avengers. These two notorious fellows impersonated President of France, Nicolas Sarkozy. The conversation, which lasted nearly 7 minutes long, exposed Palin as being ignorant of international politics, made her sound like a blushing schoolgirl talking to a rock star, and exposed her as not being a good listener.

Typical of our impression of the average American, Palin missed the prankster referring to the Prime Minister of Canada as being Stef Carse, a Quebec pop star. She missed Johnny Halladay, another French pop-icon being referred to as the U.S. adviser to France. Other points of embarrassment was Palin missing the prankster referring to ‘his’ wife as being good in bed, and appreciating the ‘documentary film’ “Nail ‘in Palin” made by Hustler magazine. Palin on all these points sounded like she was ignoring some of the risqué moments, only being flattered by his call, and showing interest in the caller.

In essence, Palin sounded like she had just received a telephone call from her idol, and was quite star struck. But one must at least admit that the Quebec caller spoke very fast with a thick French accent, switched from broken English to French during the call, and interrupted Palin at every turn in order to keep her off guard.

This call from Canada exposed Palin in a way that no political candidate would want to be. It showed that she is not internationally aware of her neighbours to the north, nor has she developed the guarded political stance that one would expect from a person of experience holding the Vice-Presidency office. It also showed that her campaign office is as folksy as she is. They in no way vetted the caller. But the fact that this call came from Canada in no way should make us proud.

Most politicians seeking office are not ‘fully aware’.
Take for example eight years ago when George W. Bush was running for office. CBC comedian Rick Mercer in his “Talking to Americans” segments stops Bush and advises him that Prime Minister Jean Poutine would endorse him. Bush replies, “He understands I want to make sure our relationship with our most important neighbour to the north of us is strong and we’ll work closely together.” Did Bush missing the faux-paux of our leaders name make his statement invalid, or even make him invalid? Just like Palin’s gushing over meeting the President of France on the telephone and missing the names spoken in a foreign accent make her inappropriate for office. Her casual approach to the prankster simply points out that she appreciated meeting President Nicolas Sarkozy via telephone.

When these people run for high office, the campaign road is intense. They talk to what could be thousands of individuals approaching them for a comment, quote or just to get a piece of them. For most people who run for office, all they would hear is, “Prime Minister…… Canada ….says..” Their response would be one of many that they used throughout the campaign. The point being is that they hear the title and not necessarily the name. Its their response that completes the joke. In the Palin call, the distorted accent didn’t help her.

But is Canada targeting active American Campaign candidates appropriate behaviour?
Shock radio is not a new thing. People enjoy listening to talk show hosts banter about politics, and poke fun at people they tend to disagree with. Palin was the perfect target, but a target that should have been left to an American Radio Station hands. The “Masked Avengers” from Quebec have not only tampered with a foreign election, they brought shame on themselves and maybe Canada.

Yes, talking to Americans and exposing their ignorance of Canada can be fun. But our style of humour has lasting consequences in places we have no business being.