The Numerology of a Stoner

The sub-culture of the pothead has always had a special language when trying to endear themselves to society in general. The first term I learned in my youth was
"Mary Jane" when referring to marijuana.

Nowadays that seems pretty "square-man" But the language developed in the sub-culture has not really changed all that much. Lingo or codes are used that many folks just don't get, and parents tend to lay a blind eye towards. Sure, if you look in little Johnny's bedroom and see a Canadian Flag with a three-pointed leaf in the middle, chances are he may be more familiar with the illegal substance than you wish.

Hidden in your child's bedroom is one thing, but to advertise it in public is another. Today, the marijuana culture has a new set of codes, which is usually in plain view for all to see. It is the use of the number 420. Have you seen it?

You can see 420 in advertising, high school yearbooks, and storefronts. Smoke shops have popped up in Alberta, Saskatchewan and British Columbia with the number 420 in their registered business name. So big deal, what's in a name?
Plenty.

The phenomena of the number 420 in the marijuana sub-culture is a universal moment in time, a time when all potheads stop and light up! If they are awake at 4:20AM, they can light up and puff away. Many pot smokers take solace in the fact that at that very moment of the day, they will be smoking with maybe thousands of other stoners throughout the country. The number 420 has become the transforming universal code into the collective consciousness of the stoner.

So why 420? I started to ask around, and found that most people whether young or old never took notice, and could not answer that daunting question; Why 420? One gal told me it was to celebrate Bob Marley’s birthday, meaning he was born on April 20th. But our Jamaican friend was born on February 5th, 1945. One other told me it was Tommy Chong’s birthday, the famous Edmontonian from the “Cheech and Chong” drugged out comedy team, but again Tommy was born on May 24th, 1938. Missed again. “Hey man... what gives!” Looking for more famous stoners to give credence to the secret dopers code 420, I was then told it was to commemorate the exact time of Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead’s death.

Garcia died on August 4th, 1995 at 4:23 AM. Oooh close! Maybe it takes three minutes to roll your own. Still no fit. A check of famous birthdates and I discovered that Adolf Hitler was born April 20th, 1889, but I’m sure that most pot smokers are not skin-heads. Still no fit. Whatever the origins, the pot-smoker does not know the reason for the observance only that it is the universal code that identifies a member of that particular sub-culture. One of the first lessons smokers learn is that while the meaning of 420 is “obvious” to insiders as “universal” or as an “international symbol” for marijuana, marijuana-smoking, and the subculture, it also a secret code or secret advertiser. A method of attracting the customers of likemindednes to an individual or business.

The mere presence of 420 on a business store front sends the wrong message to the youth, since if pot-smoking was illegal they wouldn't let a respectable businessperson to “set-up shop.” This became all to apparent when during my informal public survey of “420”, one young lady in her late 20’s said to me, “Marijuana legal now!” It’s not legal, it’s not even decriminalized!

So why are smoke shops allowed to open up in a city or town and sell drug paraphernalia, in essence promoting pot smoking? In the wacked out 60’s, drug users made their bongs and pipes. The truth of the matter is this. If a particular business is advertising "420" the universal stoner code in their business, chances are that they promote stoner culture and with
it, the consumption of an illegal drug. Take a look around your hometown or when you drive through a city, and you will find “420” proudly displayed on some smoke shops on store fronts and malls. Walk in and ask the store clerk, “What’s with 420?” You will instantly identify yourself as an outsider to the subculture, and I doubt a truthful answer will be forthcoming.

Come to think of it, the international pot-smokers day is April 20th - 4/20.

The Criminalization of Innocence

Intolerance has reached an ultimate low, in a case from Texas, where a 4-year old boy hugged a teacher’s aid before going on a school bus. This innocent act from a boy only two years out of diapers was interpreted as a sexual advancement and now the boy has a permanent school record of sexual harassment. The boy's father angrily denied the accusation, insisting that the decision is shocking because the boy is too innocent and naïve to understand what sex is, let alone harass his teacher.

After great deliberation by school officials, the school revised the young lads record and now his record was changed to "inappropriate physical contact".

Just when is a child robbed of their innocence? Society is adopting a "Zero Tolerance" policy on everything from language, to day-to-day interactions with our fellow man. In essence society is throwing out the baby with the bath water. Before us Canadians get smug over this, remember that we are only 10 years behind the USA in social reform, so it's only a matter of time.

This is not an isolated incident of finger pointing at children. Last March in Lorain, OH, an 8-year-old boy was accused of sexual harassment on another schoolgirl when it was discovered that he had been passing love notes to her. Later in the day, the boy and another boy during gym class started to tease the girl and in the process touched her buttocks. The school then conducted an investigation, and the boy with the crush was suspended on an "Emergency Removal Order." The eight year old's school record now identifies him as having made a sexual assault.

In another cases, a grade two boy was suspended from school after he kissed a girl during recess, and once again the records show he committed a "sexual assault".

In the case of our 4 year old in Texas, the boy does not understand why he was forcibly removed from school, only to be ostracized by the school system. His obvious lack of understanding is exactly why this form of political correction has no place in the kindergarten or elementary school. A 4 year old, or even a twelve-year-old does not know right from wrong depending on their social development.

The zero tolerance policy of sexual harassment is designed to protect woman in the workplace.

These cases are an abuse of such a policy, and if Canadian's are complacent, our children will be victimized by this form of nonsense. But then again are Canadian's really that laid back? ... I think we are.

Global Warming: The Acorn of a New Century

One day Chicken Little was walking in the woods when -- KERPLUNK -- an acorn fell on her head. "Oh my goodness!" said Chicken Little. "The sky is falling! I must go and tell the king." On her way to the king's palace, Chicken Little met Henny Penny. Henny Penny said that she was going into the woods to hunt for worms. "Oh no, don't go!" said Chicken Little. "I was there and the sky fell on my head! Come with me to tell the king." So Henny Penny joined Chicken Little and they went along as fast as they could.

This famous children's story was designed to teach our children not to jump to conclusions, and the dangers in spreading news about doom and gloom. Many incarnations of this theme have sneaked into popular culture. The media who has in the last three decades evolved into a global town crier has a penchant of spreading news in a sensational manner.

Fueled by personal agendas, whether it is political, or motivated by money, has done the masses an injustice. Gone are the days when a headline would say, "Bank Robber lifts $100,000 in daylight Heist!" Today the same story headline would read "Banks Fails to Protect Assets, Account Holders in Despair!" You get the picture.

So, what is this all about? Last week a story broke out in England where a government economist, a Sir Nicholas Stern, commissioned by the Tony Blair Parliament, came out with his study that stated, 'Time is Running Out, by 2100, an upheaval not seen since last Ice Age." Sterns paper spells out doom and gloom based on the scientific theory of Global Warming. In a 579-paper report that Stern compiled over a year, he stated simply that the world is coming to an end. Stern, (Chicken Little), meets up with Blair, (Henny Penny) and together they head off to the Queen to spread the news.

The sky is falling. The media picks this up and the buzz is on. Money starts to filter into the interest groups associated with "Global Warming" and pockets are lined starting with England. The Liberals in Canada clang their swords in Canadian Parliament, and our Government is once again filibustered, effectively handcuffing them.

The sky is falling, and an Economist says so. What is with that? What does an economist know about a scientific theory in the first place? Where did his research come from, the Internet? Why would the Tony Blair government commission a scientific paper from a bookkeeper? Sounds like a conflict of interest.

The end result is that people once again live in fear. From global thermonuclear war, to global terrorism. From the fear of a new depression to global warming, the theme is all the same. The world is coming to an end. This is simply not the case. The sun will always rise in the east and set in the west. Yearly moisture that falls on the ground tends to do so each year, some years less, some years more, but the end result is that it all averages out. Ice caps breaking off the arctic shelf has been doing so yearly for centuries, as weather patterns change so does the flow and placement of ice.

Man is arrogant to believe that we have the power to effect such global environmental change. We have a responsibility to the this planet and each other to be a good steward of what be have been given dominion over. Yes, we must find ways not to pollute our air and water, and not poison our food and bodies with toxins. But we also have a responsibility to each other, our economies and ourselves.

Nobody is saying that we should go out and destroy our planet. But we should live in this planet with rational thought, rational motives, and rational results. The media has a responsibility not to sensationalize the issues, because special interest groups are always out there using the press to manipulate the truth. This is a dangerous trend, and one that drives fear into the hearts of many. Fear that lines the pockets of the greedy, Fear that send people in the arms of the pharmaceutical

industry, fear that separates families and degrades ones health. Fear is the message, when ‘fear not’ should be conveyed.

I have a favorite Biblical phrase that we see used throughout the Good Book. That is, "And it came to pass." Having a bad day, don't worry it will pass. Are you in trouble, don't worry it will pass. Are fear mongers getting influencing the media, don't worry that will pass too.

Political Correctness be D@%#ED!

Have you noticed that slowly like frogs in a boiling pot, that our society is being controlled by the Political Correct Police.

I must admit that at first, it was amusing back room conversation. It started with small things like, a policeman became a policeperson, so as not to offend a policewoman, but then it all settled to a police officer. No problems here, nonspecific gender markings, I get it. That seemed the beginning. Then it went onto referring dwarf / midgets as small people.

Ok I will agree a person who is known as a midget is small, but then so is my grand-daughter. She's a baby, but then again, in a few years all babies may have to be referred to as a small person.

After-all, is not the term “Big Baby” insulting. “Hey! you big baby!” Political Correctness as a movement, actually started by my generation and it throws in the face of our parents. My parents grew up “Calling them as they see them.” It was not considered “Obscene” it was considered “Observation”!

By dad’s generation could call a spade a spade. It was the PC Police that failed to see that a spade is a shovel.

Heres a definition of Political Correctness - is a method of masking your true thoughts. In other words, it’s hypocricy in action. The PC Police are attempting to have everyone hide their true thoughts.

“Speak your mind” was once considered good advise. The PC Police want us all to “Censor our thoughts”

Ask yourself this one question. Who would you trust more, a person who speaks their mind or one who covers their true feelings with padded speech?

Sounds like a politician to me. HEY!! Political Correctness.
Recently in the UK, the PC police went to a new level of absurdity. In a news item regarding the terrorists attacks on the London Subway system, BBC wanted to strip away any offensive language and they called the terrorist, “Misguided Criminals”

Ok, so what's a misguided criminal? One who tried to commit a crime but just didn’t get it right? Is there really a properly guided criminal? Is there a course one can take on being a criminal?

I thought the killing of lives on a subway was a criminal act. Call a spade a spade, they are terrorists. The term Misguided Criminals have started to filter down into the European media.

PC Police even go further, in the US , the NCAA have decided to ban any use of American Indian names and logos by teams playing in NCAA sanctioned events.. The NY Times wrote “Starting in February, any school with a nickname or logo considered racially or ethnically ''hostile'' or ''abusive'' by the NCAA would be prohibited from using them in post season events. Mascots will not be allowed to perform at tournament games, and band members and cheerleaders will also be barred from using American Indians on their uniforms beginning in 2008.” Specifically the team names targeted are; Braves,Indians,Chippewas, Seminoles, Utes, Redmen, Illini,Choctaws, Fighting Siouxx, Savages. I guess the Edmonton Eskimos are next, sheesh!

How many of you have ever used the term “Nitty-Gritty”? In the US a movement has arrived that is banning that phrase from ever being used. I grew up being told that getting down to the nittygritty referred to digging deep enough to do a job properly. Historically, the nittygritty was the debri left in the hold of a slave ship, so a visit to the hold was described as 'going to the nitty-gritty'.

My parents’ generation have used this term for years and I doubt that at no time did anyone ever have the historical perspective in mind. In other words it is a non-offensive phrase. I could go on, because there seems to be an ever-ending set of language restrictions, and many have ended in court over them.

Call it what you want, the PC movement is just ignorant Or should I be saying, factually unencumbered.

Beaver Fever!

Note to Reader: This is a humour piece that was printed in a small town paper to address a town issue regarding pests. Please keep this in mind when reading this column. Small town politics is fun to pick on.. and I did just that.. Enjoy

If big cities have big problems, then small towns must have small problems, right? Well that is not necessarily so. In the past we have heard that cities, like Edmonton, Calgary and New York have had animal control issues. Pit Bulls attacking people while they sunbath in their back yards. In New York, we heard of the urban legend of Alligators biting you from behind as you read the Sunday paper, and finally nearly eight years ago in Edmonton, a Boa Constrictor was found in a woman's kitchen, living in her pan drawer.

Millet, Alberta has now joined the ranks of Edmonton, Calgary and New York. Last week in the town hall, council was addressing the issues of the American Beaver. In the past, if the Beavers are not controlled, our parks are flooded; trails blocked by downed trees, and in rainy seasons the pests associated with Beaver (mosquitos), actively biting and threatening us all with the West Nile Virus. This is a serious issue! From Pit Bulls to Beavers. Citizens attended the meeting with a list of concerns. Some believe that the Beaver is a misunderstood animal, and should be spared. Still others believe that trapping is the only way to remove them; they just don't think that the town should pay for the trapping of these animals. Let us not forget that the beaver is to many, an honoured critter.

The Beaver, a national symbol is found on our coins, brochures, and social club mottos! Surely there must be a humane solution to the pesky beaver.

A Lesson in History:
So… I though a lesson in history may help, and of course I wanted to put my 2 cents worth in.

The Beaver is of the genus family "Castor Canadensis" The largest rodent in North America and can reach over 1 metre in length and can weigh up to 32 Kgs.

Yep, it's a big sucker!
Beavers make their living-building dams by using their strong jaws to cut down trees with their two front teeth. It is known that a Beaver will attack a human and other animals. If a beaver were to bite on a mans leg it would not reduce biting pressure until it hears bone crushing.

Yep, it's a big scary sucker!
The European Beaver was hunted to near extinction. Hunted for centuries for it's medicinal qualities. Fur is not it's real commodity, the Beaver's testicles were used to make medicine. Pliny the Elder in the 1st century CE wrote: "Beavers in the region of the Black Sea (Pontici) know that they are hunted for the oil produced by their testicles (castoreum), so when they are in danger from hunters they castrate themselves. The beaver has the tail of a fish, and soft fur on its otter-like body. They have a strong bite, cutting down trees as if with steel, and if they bite a man they will not let go until the bones are heard grinding together."

Even in Aesop's Fables we read that; "The beaver, a four-footed animal that lives in pools, knows that he is hunted for his testicles, which are used to cure ailments. When pursued, the beaver runs for some distance, but when he sees he cannot escape, he will bite off his own testicles and throw them to the hunter, and thus escape death."

So what's in a name? The "Castor Canadensis" got its scientific name from the beaver’s castration. The beaver chewed it’s own way to extinction.

The solution is simple folks.
I move that we form a town committee of "Beaver Chasers" An organized mob armed with pots and pans. We could go out and clang our weapons together while cautiously entering our parks and creeks areas. Yep… let the chase begin! The end result will be the removal of beavers by attrition. Yep, that's the answer to our animal control problem. Let the beaver live up to it’s own name.

But until then remember, the Beaver is out there, large and hairy, with big ferocious teeth!

Gangs of Beavers! . . .
In Millet . . .
Beavers in our Streets! . . .
Beavers with teeth! . . .
In Millet.
We did not make this up.